Hoping

Music: Soundgarden - Live to Rise (The Avengers OST) Mood: hopeful

I had an interview today at a core downtown hospital in the Emergency department; I think it went really well. I never originally thought I would be interested in the Emerg, but it's not like I won't learn new skills there. I want to challenge myself and push myself to do more than I may initially feel comfortable with. Floor nursing is what I am 'comfortable' with; it's all I know so far, and I know that nursing is so multifaceted and diverse that my scope should expand. Sometimes when I think about having to respond to emergency situations my mind goes blank and I freeze; most people would think that means that I am terrified.

Being terrified is partially true. I am terrified at the idea that my actions could potentially save or not save a life. The other part is thinking "What, you crazy? You would get such an adrenaline rush, and you would know what to do, even if you can't verbalize it". It would be exciting. And teamwork is a big thing in the ER, so I hardly think the fate of someone would be resting solely on my shoulders.

I have surprised myself a lot in the last 2 years; if you asked me what I would be doing with my life 7 years ago, I wouldn't have said "nursing". If you asked me 4 years ago, I wouldn't have said "nursing". 3 years ago, I would've said "maybe nursing". And now... I say "nursing". I never thought I would be ok spending hours upon hours in a hospital, with sick people who may or may not live. I never thought that doing some of the hardest (emotional and physical) work I have ever done would be so rewarding to me. What's another surprise? No big deal.

I like to think that my life experiences have shaped me into someone that can take on challenges and bounce back. I can handle things that I never thought I could. I can adapt.

If this ends up working out, I will be happy to embrace my change.

I read somewhere that every 7 years, every cell in your body is different. If that is true, then I am a completely different person from who I was 7 years ago, at 18 years of age.